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The Order of Typical American Ceremony
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The order of a wedding ceremony is typically driven by some religious tradition. If there is a
particular religion that you want reflected in your ceremony, we can follow that order. However,
today, most couples do whatever they like. The problem is that many couples do not know what
to do. My job is to impart knowledge and give feedback based on my training and experience.
Since we create a custom ceremony, the different elements can be ordered differently based on the
flow of the ceremony. For example, a reading may be more appropriate in a place other than where
it might traditionally be found.
Below you will see ONE example of the order of a ceremony with a short description of each
element. Please note that nothing is written in stone. We can be as creative and non-traditional
as you like and I will make sure that as a whole, the ceremony flows well, or we can stick with
tradition. It is your wedding ceremony…it is your decision.
Please also note that all elements listed below are optional. There are no requirements other
than vows. It is just an example.
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PROCESSIONAL
The wedding party (Bridesmaids, Groomsmen, Flower Girl, Ring Bearer, etc.) enters accompanied by
music (Pachabel's Canon, Ave Maria).
SHORT POETRY READING
Just after the bride and groom come to the front of the ceremony space and music stops, the
reader who is already in place and ready to read, shares a short (2 to 4 line) poem that sets the
stage.
WELCOME
We state why we are here and thank everyone for sharing this day with you.
REMEMBRANCE
We also acknowledge those who could not be here today—those who have passed and those who could
not make the trip due to illness or distance. A candle can be lit at this time, as well.
INVOCATION / PRAYER
A short paragraph asking God/Spirit/Ancestors to be with us and bless this place and this time
we share. It is a time to create sacred space even though we are not in a synagogue, church or
temple. We acknowledge the presence of Spirit everywhere.
PARENTS CEREMONY
Some couples choose to involve their parents in their ceremony by thanking them for all their
love and support and asking for their blessing. We can also combine this element with other
elements that will take place later in the ceremony. For example we can ask the mothers (as a
show of support for your decision) to light the side candles of your unity candle, or to present
the colored sand for a sands ceremony, or to bring up the wine and cup for the Kiddush cup. This
is also a place to acknowledge the importance of family.
READING
Usually poetry about love (Pablo Neruda) or a reading from a holy book (Corinthians, Hebrew Seven
Blessings, passage from the Bhagavad Gita) that a friend or family member reads. I have volumes
of examples.
MINISTER'S MESSAGE
A short ‘speech’ (not preaching) on the topic of your choice…marriage…love…family…God. No
surprises!
VOWS & RING EXCHANGE
We can be very creative with this section. It can take on many different tones and expressions
depending on how we use various options. One part of this element can be the vow questions that I
ask each of you, which I affectionately call the “I Do’s”. Another is the personal paragraphs
that you can write to each other stating how you feel about each other—typically read from a card.
This may sound harder than it is and I will help you. You can state your promises to each other
by repeating short phrases after me. When you exchange rings you usually say something short and
sweet like, “I give you this ring as a symbol of my love for you.”
To help with custom vows, I provide you with hundreds of examples including the traditional
‘for richer or poorer’ vows as well as my own wedding vows. You are not on your own with this
unless you want to be.
RITUAL REPRESENTING YOUR UNION OR A FAMILY BLENDING
This is an act or rite that is performed by the couple, such as the unity candle lighting,
Kiddush cup and glass breaking, Sands Ceremony, River Rock Ceremony, Native American Going to
Water Ceremony, Saptappadi, signing of the marriage certificate or license, a dance, a toast, or
handfasting. This is also a good place for a Family Blending Ceremony for couples that are
bringing in children to the marriage.
BLESSING
Now that you are married we ask God and/or everyone present to bestow their blessings upon you as
someone reads a traditional prayer or the Apache Wedding Blessing or a civil-type paragraph that
says what we all wish for you.
PRONOUNCEMENT
I state that all those present acknowledge that you are now married and this is where you kiss.
ANNOUNCEMENT
You turn around and face the guests and I announce for the first time as husband and wife.
Everyone claps and happy music is played. You exit.
RECESSIONAL
Bridal party follows you out in reverse order, followed by parents, minister, and the rest of
guests.
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